Jealous Dogs

Here's an email I received not long ago -

"Hi Andrew,

I appreciate your Newsletters so much.

I have a very serious problem that scares me.

I have 2 male dogs - father, 9 and son, 3. They are Tibetan Lion Dogs, and the son's mother is a pure bred Shih-Tzu. When Son, Teddy, gets in the bed with us, he won't let Daddy, Bud in without a terrible fight. (Daddy, Bud, was there long before Teddy was even thought about).

They have never even put a scratch on each other, but the fight is very furious. I frantically separate them every time. There are many other instances besides the bed scenario. The scene begins with Bud growling when Teddy comes close to him, if he thinks Teddy is going to get the attention intended for him (Bud). It then escalates into a full fledge physical fight, which I promptly stop.

Please Help - I've tried many things - squirting with water - separating them - screaming no, and pulling them apart.

Thanks so much,"
Professor Carol Wunderle

This was my reply -

"Hi Carol,

The root of the problem is jealousy - each dog feels jealous if they think the other one is going to be fussed over by you. So in essence you have to stop making a big fuss of them.

Unfortunately I don't have time to go into great detail here so I'll just give you the gist of it.

Essentially you need to stop treating them like little babies and instead start treating them as dogs. So no more letting them get into bed with you. No more cuddles on the sofa, and no more picking them up (if you already do either of the last two).

The dogs should have their own beds in a different room from yours into which they must be shut at night and left till morning. They might cry for the first night or two but so long as you ignore them they'll soon realise it's pointless and will stop doing it.

Whenever they come over to you expecting to be fussed, picked up, cuddled etc you must ignore them. If they try to jump on your lap while you're sitting down you must instantly stand up whilst uttering a sharp sounding rebuke. If they're now left on the sofa you must put them back on the floor. As soon as they're on the floor quietly praise them and sit back down. Keep doing this every time one of them tries to jump up on your lap.

If they try to jump up at or scrabble at your legs for attention you must take a step back and turn round so your back is toward them. As soon as they've stopped pestering you you must quietly praise and turn back again to continue with what you were doing.

This will all seem terribly difficult for you and you'll probably feel as if you're being cruel. But you're not - you'll instead be returning harmony to your house. From now on you must only give the dogs fuss on your terms, never when they demand it. I suggest for the first couple of days that you implement my suggestions you don't fuss them at all.

Then after a couple of days you should see a noticeable calming down between them at which point you can quietly begin giving very small amounts of fuss on your terms. So when they're quietly lying down for instance you can go up to each one in turn and give them a very quick rub on the chest and a loving word. And you can call them to you one at a time and praise when they come. Also get them to sit etc on command and praise when they do.

These are the moments when you're allowed to fuss over them - when they've earned it by obeying your command. Never, never again fuss over them when they come to you and demand your attention. Those are the times when you must completely ignore them.

Good luck, and please let me know how you get on....

Regards,
Andrew"

"Hi Andrew,

Day 2: Thank you so much. They are much calmer, and NO fights since your e-mail and wonderful advice.

You were so kind to e-mail. Please let me know if you would like me to pay you for it.

Grateful,
Carol

I don't know what it is about small dogs but people often feel compelled to pick them up, cuddle them, take them to bed with them etc in a way they'd never do with a big dog. I suppose it's the very fact that you *can* do it because of their small size and weight.

But although they might be small, cute and cuddly please never lose sight of the fact they're dogs not babies. You must treat them like dogs with the exact same rules, discipline and consistency that you would if it was, say a GSD or a rottweiler.

The problems that Carol described are incredibly common with small dogs for the precise reason that they are being treated inappropriately. And please don't think it's only an issue if you have more than one dog as in Carol's case. In many ways if you only have one dog the problems that jealousy can throw up are potentially far more dangerous. What tends to happen in that situation is the dog becomes attached to the person who fusses over it and won't let anybody else near them. So friends, family, partners etc are all in danger of being attacked if they get too close to the dogs owner.

I've seen it get so extreme that couples have been on the verge of splitting up. Typically it tends to be the woman who fusses over the dog which won't let the man touch, kiss or cuddle her. In one extreme case I saw on television the husband had been sleeping on the sofa for months on end because the dog slept in bed with his wife and wouldn't let him get into bed.

Maybe I'm missing something but for the life of me I cannot get my head around that concept. A dog is a dog is a dog. It's *not* a person and if you treat it like one you're opening yourself up to all manner of potential problems.

Recommended reading - "Dog Training Blueprint To Success".

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