Death of a Dog
I have some sad personal news. This time last week I had to have Bracken, my 10 and a half year old deerhound bitch, put to sleep. She'd had a gigantic lump on either her liver or spleen, but the vet couldn't tell which without doing X-rays and ultrasound scans. Unfortunately it wasn't quite as straightforward as just going ahead and doing them as it turned out she had massive heart problems as well - not only was her heart racing at an unbelievable speed but it was also totally erratic. The vet said he didn't think he'd ever listened to such a dangerous sounding heartbeat. Doing any sort of tests on her would put too much strain on her exceptionally weak heart. Her quality of life was very poor at the end. She had completely stopped eating, struggled badly to walk even short distances, and all the spark had gone from her eyes - it was as if she'd given up the will to live. There was only one realistic option open to us. This is the now the third time I've had to have a dog put down. On each occasion I've known exactly what was coming, but that doesn't make it any easier. I sat on the floor cradling her and cooed soothingly to her as the vet did what had to be done. Then just like on the previous two occasions I sat there sobbing uncontrollably, wracked with guilt about whether if I'd done things differently there might have been a different outcome. This year's been a tough one in the Chastney household on the canine front. If you subscribed recently you won't know it but I also lost my young dog Tufter earlier this year when he was run over and killed on the road. So for the first time in 21 years I'm without a dog. It feels as if I've had my legs chopped off. All my reference points are gone; my whole life revolved around my dogs. The first thing I did each day was walk the dogs, and the last thing I did each night was put them out in the garden for 5 minutes then get them settled in for the night. The dogs beds were just outside the kitchen, and walking almost anywhere downstairs involved going past them. So without even being aware of it I probably used to pass their beds 50 times each day. It's only now, seeing a big empty space, that I realise how much I just took it all for granted. I can't even begin to tell you what a big hole Bracken's passing has left. Although she was a big, imposing looking dog, standing 29" at the shoulder, she had the sweetest, gentlest demeanour you could ever imagine. Her life represented a thread inextricably woven through the lives of all my dogs (there've been five in total) as she lived with them all. Gatsby, my first, was a greying and stiffening eleven year old when Bracken bounced into our lives aged ten weeks old. Now she's gone too it feels like the end of an era. Recommended reading - "Dog Training Blueprint To Success".
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